Regret
by arizona sno
Summary: When Kylo Ren and Han Solo faces each other, Kylo endures flashbacks from when he was younger. ** Spoilers from The Force Awakens


**Yes, I've seen the movie.**

 **Yes, I know this is nothing like what occurred in the movie. I do not have a photographic memory, so therefore, I can not just spew out what exactly happened in the movie.**

* * *

I didn't have to turn around to know that my father- Han Solo was making his way towards the bridge to face me as he left everyone else to their own battles. It didn't take a genius to figure it out, but then again not everyone was trained in the ways of the force. As well as his presence is one that I could not force myself to forget.

 _"Dad! Look!"_

 _"Look at you, Ben! You're flying the Falcon!" said Han with a chuckle as he watched his eight-year-old son believe that he was flying the Falcon through the galaxy._

 _"He's going to be a natural, Chewie. Just look at him," smiled Han as Chewbacca roared in agreement. The two friends watched as the young Solo made sound effects to go along with his imagination._

"Han Solo," I said turning around to face him with a sneer. It was shocking to see Han this close to me, since the last time I had seen him was light years ago. He's obviously aged, but his age didn't seem to be able to keep him away from all the action.

"Ben-"

"It's Kylo. You know that," I responded back glaring at him as I watched as he made his way across the bridge. He was foolish to think that he would somehow survive this encounter. We both know how it all ends.

 _"Mom! Mom, get Uncle Luke!"_

 _"Ben? What's wrong?" Questioned Leia as she quickly ran to her son fearing that he was in some sort of danger. She came to a stop at the door of his room when she saw that his toy tauntaun was floating in mid-air. A smile graced the Princess's face as soon as she knew that her son wasn't injured in anyway._

 _"It seems that the force is strong with you, my little Ben."_

"Kylo," Han began again. "You don't have to do this. Your mother and I-"

"You both mean nothing to me!" I snarled back at him. I could feel the beginning of my anger slowly taking control of my actions. Soon nothing will need to make sense as I let the darkness consume me.

"You don't have to do this, Kylo. We can help. There's still goodness in you," said Han as he finally stood in front of me. I have grown over the last couple of years since I had last saw him, and I now stood taller than him.

I didn't have to turn around to know that my father- Han Solo was making his way towards the bridge to face me as he left everyone else to their own battles. It didn't take a genius to figure it out, but then again not everyone was trained in the ways of the force. As well as his presence is one that I could not force myself to forget.

 _"Dad! Look!"_

 _"Look at you, Ben! You're flying the Falcon!" said Han with a chuckle as he watched his eight-year-old son believe that he was flying the Falcon through the galaxy._

 _"He's going to be a natural, Chewie. Just look at him," smiled Han as Chewbacca roared in agreement. The two friends watched as the young Solo made sound effects to go along with his imagination._

"Han Solo," I said turning around to face him with a sneer. It was shocking to see Han this close to me, since the last time I had seen him was light years ago. He's obviously aged, but his age didn't seem to be able to keep him away from all the action.

"Ben-"

"It's Kylo. You know that," I responded back glaring at him as I watched as he made his way across the bridge. He was foolish to think that he would somehow survive this encounter. We both know how it ends.

 _"Mom! Mom, get Uncle Luke!"_

 _"Ben? What's wrong?" Questioned Leia as she quickly ran to her son fearing that he was in some sort of danger. She came to a stop at the door of his room when she saw that his toy tauntaun was floating in mid-air. A smile graced the Princess's face as soon as she knew that her son wasn't injured in anyway._

 _"It seems that the force is strong with you, my little Ben."_

"Kylo," Han began again. "You don't have to do this. Your mother and I-"

"You both mean nothing to me!" I snarled back at him. I could feel the beginning of my anger slowly taking control of my actions. Soon nothing will need to make sense as I let the darkness consume me.

"You don't have to do this, Kylo. We can help. There's still goodness in you," said Han as he finally stood in front of me. I have grown over the last couple of years since I had last saw him, and I now stood taller than him.

 _"Uncle Luke."_

 _"Yes, Ben?" said Luke Skywalker turning around to look at his nephew who stood by the door._

 _"What's that?" asked Ben Solo pointing at an old, melted down, black helmet that what sitting on the table in front of Luke as he walked closer to his Uncle._

 _"That, was my father's - your grandfather's - helmet," replied Luke as he ruffled his nephew's dark hair once Ben was within his reach._

 _"Why did he need a helmet?"_

 _"Because he needed it to help him in order to survive, Ben." Luke answered as he turned and looked down at his nephew. "Promise me that you'll finish your Jedi training."_

 _"I promise, Uncle Luke," said Ben swiping his Uncle's hand away from his hair. "Was- was grandfather a good man?"_

 _"He was, but he just made some bad mistakes in the end."_

My resolve crumbled a bit.

"Please, _son_ , come back to us."

I quickly snapped out of whatever thoughts that had consumed my mind to even _considered_ turning my back against what I had trained my life for. There was already too many deaths on my hand to turn back. I had to do this. I had to _kill_ my own father in order to protect him from my master's wrath.

"I- I don't know if I can anymore. . . father." I could feel the darkness consume my every thoughts and actions. The hatred that was boiling up inside me- It wasn't hatred for Han, but for the action that was about to occur next. I cleared all remaining thoughts from my head, preparing myself for what's to come next. My thumb pressed the dreaded button on my lightsaber, and I suppressed the shudder that threaten to rack through my body when I heard the buzzing of the blade as it went through Han.

"I have to say Father, thank you."

I knew he wasn't expecting it. I watched as the light faded from his eyes. I watched as disbelief flashed through them followed by another emotion. Love. How could he still love me? His own son had just murdered him.

 _I'm sorry._

I pressed the button on my saber again and the buzzing went away.


End file.
